I think you're looking for men not women?

Do I even need to say anything?
All I'm going to say is the guy in the middle is thinking: Oh F. Not again. Why am I always the one in the middle?!

- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

I like your snake...

His name is Irish whiskey lover and here are his pictures:



Already I know he is an alcoholic and by the looks of it he really needs to learn how clean.



He has about 10 pictures of his tattoos. This one is of his pet.
No seriously. He has a pet scorpion.
WTF do you do if THAT gets out??



Oh and he also has a snake



Yeah. Gonna pass. But thanks for giving me something to write about.

I said anytime after 6...

Wow. This guy might be too smart for dating. He asked me when was a good time to call. I says anytime after 6. He never calls but instead continues to text me about when a good time to call is. I'm tempted to say never.



















I haven't responded because I have no idea what to say. You start work at 10? Or you get done at 10? If that was the case why not say oh well I don't get done with work until late- is it okay to call you around 10? It's really weirding me out that he is proper. Even in a text message.


- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

I didn't "like" your picture...

My fingers are like little sausages and when I was looking at your pictures I hit like instead of next. So, with that said- I really appreciate your interest in me, however I am going to have decline, mainly because you are pretty much old enough to be my dad. And I already have a dad, sooo...







Oh and also- I haven't IMd someone since I was around 16...so this probably isn't going to work. Do you maybe have a son?


- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

Nesh...do I need to file a restraining order?

Nesh has now emailed me roughly 6 times now AND It's the same email!! Copy and paste!
Ah! WTF??

This was from June



And this was from last night...



Should I write him and let him know I appreciate his copy and paste emails but I find his lack of creativity boring?



- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

420 is his fav. time of the day...

Whud up? Even my iPhone knows that's not how you spell what up? And, upon further review of your profile I was able to deny your application based on your illiteracy, use of drugs, the fact that you have no picture, and you think you earned a bachelors degree from a community college.
In addition, I am now dumber after having read your profile.
Thanks.
(btw I am sooo tempted right now to email him this as my response)










Oh and 420 is your favorite time of the day huh? Mine too! Only- it's mine because I get a vanilla latte- why is it yours? Wah wah wah....

- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

Wow...you have 3 of them?

And you thought to yourself: hey put a picture up of you with all your silly birds...women will flock to you.

- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

Booty Text?

He emails me and wants to hang out...tonight. Guy it's 9:30. And I don't even know you. What makes you think I'm going to cruise over to your house and watch a movie or chill??
Oh. Oh. I get it....


- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

Is this email real?

A pretty attractive and highly intelligent man winked at me. I wrote him an email and told him thanks for the wink he seems nice and I'd like to get to know him.

He wrote me this email-- I'm a little skeptical if it's legit...he can spell and is well spoken. He doesn't use any abbreviations or slang. No negativity or complaining. Just compliments and very good ones at that. It's good, almost too good.

RE: Hi Jen=)
Good evening, Jen:

I truly am ecstatic that you wrote me back. While reading your profile the other night, I could not help but notice how many things you want in life coincide with my own. You truly seem to be a magnificent person and can only imagine you apply the same as a mother. Even more so, I can sense your business is very successful due to your genuine disposition. I thank you for the compliments. I love receiving as much I enjoy giving them to those that deserve it.
The fact that you live here in Santee is nice, but the simple delight that you appear to be a down to earth and well mannered individual is even more appealing. As you know, I am 29 and recently graduated with my Masters degree. I am currently applying as a professor of History at local junior colleges and universities. I currently substitute at Grossmont College and work as a server, but cannot wait to either obtain a full-time teaching or Archivist job. I have quite a few leads and only be optimistic that it will happen soon.
I truly hope that all is well for you and thank you very much for providing me with a pleasant close to my evening. I hope to hear from you soon and converse if you feel comfortable doing so. My cell number is # (619-***-**** . Have a great night's rest and a good day tomorrow as well. Once again, thanks for making my night=)

-Stephen




After reading it again you know what it reminds me of?! The Trueman Show with Jim Carrey.







- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

Changed my mind- this guy is weird

So- after talking with the guy who asked me out for tonight- I have officially ruled him as having some sort of mental retardation. He was very retarded, for lack of better words. His conversation was weird and very awkward. For an example: He asked me if I had any allergies- am I allergic to anything? And just other really odd and bizarre questions...It wasn't even like normal convo- it was like dork zombie play video games all day with my cat kind of conversation. Odd.
I texted him today and said I wasn't going to be able to make it tonight- raincheck? He said sure. Then he sent me this picture:










Um it's void.

- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

Flying dogs and chiseled abs...

This is the kind of guy I want to date...strong, confident, will take care of me, macho, won't go shopping with me, a mans man, a Godly man. A man with a flying dog! Which is so cool.








And this is what he looks like: (and I'm totally serious this is the same guy!!! I know. Amazing abs right???!!)







Yes surfer guy...you will be mine. Oh yes. You will be mine.
Oh who the F am I kidding. I don't think surfer guy would ever go for a girl like me. He's a 10 and I'm like a solid 7 1/4. I mean granted I could lose weight and get fake boobs or something- but guys like him- even religious guys like him- have a sort of suaveness and dapper danness that tends to attract sinful things.
Also- because I have my son, many guys get scared. Which is stupid. The guys I always get fall
into one of three categories:
1) You have a kid so you must be easy let's have sex tonight
----which is not true so they bail.

2) You have a kid so you must want to get married tonight
----which is not true but they believe it to be true so they bail

3) You have a kid so you must want to get married tonight, and they literally attach themselves to me and want to be with me 24/7 and want to look at rings before date 6. This has happened 4 times now...
----which is not true so I bail!

Honestly, I'm not even sure I want to get married-ever. I like not having to deal with the drama and stress dating and relationships bring. And most of the guys I've dated or semi-dated just text, never call, and can't plan a date. They just think oh well I'm bored now- wanna "hang out". I don't get it. Did something happen in the last 20 or so years that men have lost their balls? Men are supposed to pursue women. Men are supposed to ask women out on a date. Men are supposed to plan the date. Men are supposed to pay for the date. I could go on and on but I think you get the picture. The last 4 or 5 guys that have "pursued" me did this:
Text him "wanna hang out soon?" me "yeah what were you thinking?" him "oh I don't know? Wanna hang out?" me "yeah how about Saturday night?" him "well I have a (insert some sort of planned event already planned here) to go to but maybe after? I'll let you know." and we never hang out. Or we do like once every other month...or in two cases once every 6 to 7 months.

And this happens over and over. Or they make plans then they fall through. I mean one or two guys okay...but I can literally name names of like 7 guys right now in the past year or so that have done this.
I mean, I understand they might be afraid of rejection or getting hurt but...FIND YOUR BALLS MEN!!

Well that was awesome. Finally got that off my chest. Anyways, I have a date tomorrow. This guy found his balls and asked me out tonight and we are going out tomorrow. See how easy that was men who can't find their balls? Pursue me like a man with balls and man-up. I am not a man so I will not pursue you. Because I have no balls and do not need to find them.

Too bad it's not with surfer guy. (the date) He's my motivation to get all toned and hot. I know I'll never get a hot guy like - well wait. If I'm hotter than him- then I can...right?






- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

I no what I want?

This guy is so illiterate it's not even funny. How do you not spell know right??? He basically sent a text message for his match profile.






- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

How young is too young?

Is it better to date an older man, or a younger man- or someone your age? I have 6 guys on match emailing me- youngest is 23 oldest is 40. That's almost 20 years difference between the two. So in 20 years 40 year old will be 60 and 23 year old will be a few years older than 40 year old was 20 years ago.
I guess in the next few weeks I shall see what the difference is- I'm mainly thinking energy? And maturity...lots of maturity.


- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

So confused...

Is this the same guy?






Whoah. Just whoah...

- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

He's not desperate or lonely...

He's is just really...uh..."adventurous". Hmmm is that what they call it now a days?






- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

Mike what?!

This guy thought girls would love it if his name was mike hawk. Say it like 10 times super fast...yep. Gross. I'm gonna block him now so he can't even view my profile.



- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

Date 2 leads to date 3!

Steak and lobster and mini golf! Date 3 is tomorrow night! Gonna go bowling and eat burgers downtown. Pretty excited!

Was asked to post a pic of my date! Here is a cute one of him and his pup!


- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

I think most girls would agree you seem like an ass

Read this guys profile. I consider myself a CA girl. But don't make out with every guy in a bar- only one or two.



- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

Should I file a restraining order?

So the stalker that has been texting me everyday since Thursday or Friday, mind you with me giving him no response, just emailed me.
How soon should I file a restraining order?



- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

I bent a rim...

Awesome. Maybe during our date we can pretend like I'm at work still and sell you a wheel.
Because that's just what I want to do after work, go back to work.






- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

No, I'm not interested.

Yeah, I haven't emailed you back in over 2 weeks, but I'm still interested buddy.



- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

Yes. We have a stalker!

I have to admit. I do like the fact that he adds an extra i after each time.


- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

First date leads to a second date

My first date was awesome. We actually dressed up, he wore a tie and I wore a dress I found in my closet. Not the one I wanted to wear but whatever. I had no time to go shopping for a new dress. We met in old town and had dinner- he asked me if I was nervous. I said no? He replied oh because you're drinking your beer fast. My response: "oh. I love beer. And I'm an alcoholic".
We then went to the old globe theatre. And watched the tempest. First row seats. This guy is class A. I had a lot of fun and have never laughed so much on a date ever. I think it had a lot to do with me not acting like my normal self where I stress and try and find out if this guy is worth my time. I just had fun. Didn't think about the future or anything. Just went with it. We have another date on Wednesday night.



- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

And I'm done.

This guy really knows how to start and hold a conversation.

Last I checked I was not a man so therefore could not be wished a father because I am not one. Weird.


- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

This is just wrong

I, of course, said no.




- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

Nothing to wear...

Well this is perfect. My Wonderful Mom is on a cruise right now- and I totally forgot I let her borrow my dresses! I am going out to dinner and a play with my date and I do not have a dress to wear. Nor shoes because she jacked my new pair of heels prior to leaving. And I have approximately 45 min until I need to leave. FMDL. D stands for dating :-D.


- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

If you're old enough to be my Dad I will not be able to date you

This "fabulous" guy winked at me. Too old for me. I have an aunt who's single though.



- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

Beginnings of a stalker?

You would think my unresponsiveness would be a hint I'm not interested. Isn't that what guys do?



- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

My Dad's reaction to my online dating...

Me: Dad can you watch Matthew tonight so I can get Sushi with my friends?
My Dad: Sushi?! What?? Fine.
Me: And tomorrow night I have a date, can you watch Matthew tomorrow night too please?
My Dad: With What?!
Me: What? Hahaha You said with what?! hahaha
My Dad: Where'd you meet this cat at?
Me: Match.com
My Dad: What?! Why are you doing that physco sh**.

LOVE MY DAD!!

I wanna talk about me, wanna talk about I, wanna talk about #1 oh my me

I, I and I. I asked him how his day was- expecting him to take that then give some. But this guy looks like a taker.





Oh man!! This is the guy that emailed me and said he loves tahoe. He called me after this last text. I answer. He talks like a surfer bro and is a dj. We spoke for 4 minutes and 20 seconds, that's ironic, because he sounded stoned. This is how the convo went. Him: like and I like and I and like and like and I.
Me: oh. Ok. Uh huh. Fun. Oh ok.
I started to count how many times he said I...127! In 4 minutes!!! Lost count of the use like because he used it after EVERY word he said. He spoke about how he dj'd last night at on broadway last night with Usher cuz he's a dj that's what he does. (he already told me this 30 seconds prior to him telling me again) And today he had to call in sick cuz he was out so late so instead of going to work, which he is like so sick he can't go to work, he is hittin up the gym and then he is gonna go like surfing and his boss was like ah bro you were like partying it up huh? You aint sick. Ya like take the day off. Wah wah wah...
I told him I would call him later because I was at work and had to get back to work. He had no idea, he said, that I'd be at work. That's right buddy- you only thought about yourself.

- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

My first date is gonna be good

Going out on my first date (well this year) on Saturday. This is a text he wrote me tonight. He actually called me last night. Shocker. We talked for roughly 30 minutes. One of the funniest guys I have ever talked to. We had plans to go out Wednesday night but my Saturday opened up and we are going out Saturday.



- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

Thanks for pointing that out.

I wasn't laughing. And somehow I missed that. Remember guy- you "winked" at me. Doesn't mean I was gonna read your book of a profile you wrote. I was simply thanking you for the wink and trying to start a conversation. But, you just killed it.


- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

I know what this guy is looking for...

Isn't he special?



He seems really sweet. Look at how he really supports her leg.


I can't tell if he was more interested in getting a picture of himself or of himself giving a piece sign. Oh geeze. I didn't even see the chic.




He asked for two YOUNG asian girls. Not these two.



Fist pump on the toilet. Come on turd! Yeah get it turd!!




Well. At least we knows he wipes with his right hand.




Run blonde chic! Run!

- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

I'm looking for an American to marry so I don't get deported

I have done online dating on and off for many years. Every time I re sign up, it NEVER fails. Nesh always emails me. And it is the SAME copy and paste email every single time. It reminds me of that stuff I've seen on dateline, where they feed you lines of bs and then drain your bank account.



- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

We play with stuffed animals, dolls etc.

So- got this email today from Joe#2. He clearly loves his daughter. And I think that's awesome. But does he seriously think he will get points by saying he plays dolls and stuff with her? MyDad never did that. My mom yes, but my Dad would play catch with my brother and me. I'm not really sure what to make of this. Comments please!



- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone

My Online Dating Profile

I was asked by a dear friend to post my profile. Here it is. I welcome good and bad comments. The bad comments will be deleted however. Just kidding. I'll probably cry about it later.










- Posted by Jen and her crazy online dating adventures from her iPhone